Buy the Shoes
The chime of the doorbell this afternoon signaled the arrival of a special purple box. I raced to my front door and there on the porch was the brown delivery package that contained my new Stuart Weitzman Nouveau black patent leather pumps. Stuart Weitzman shoes always come in purple boxes, did you know that? No one in my house gets my enthusiasm when I wake up and scream, ”Maybe it’s purple box day!!!!!!” but please believe me, it’s a big day. Most men don’t understand ‘Shoespeak‘ just like I don’t understand ‘Boatspeak’ or ‘Huntingspeak,’ and most couldn’t tell the difference between a slingback and a wedge if their life depended on it and furthermore, they don’t care. So I looked around for someone to squeal with me. I needed a woman to share my big day with but only the Labrador was here.
Yes, I admit it. I sat and admired them by myself, holding them up to the light, spinning them left and right so the sunshine hit them just so. They’re still shiny and unscuffed on the bottom, brand new and unspoiled by the cruelty of the real world with all its sidewalk cracks and gravel and clumsy people and big dogs who step on your feet. The first scratches on the bottom of a new pair of shoes stab into a woman’s soul like the first bag of fast food spilled inside a new car. It’s terrifying and painful but alas! it’s going to happen sooner or later. You might be like me and just decide to go ahead and get it over with as you make laps up and down the driveway doing The Twist.
First though, I languored in my shoe stupor for a half hour or so, wearing my beautiful shoes with my pajamas as I paced back and forth on the carpet. Then I got to thinking. Girls are already shopping for Homecoming, although it’s only July. I could tell them of my joy! Is it possible that they are out there right now spending hundreds of dollars on fancy hi-lows or the new trendy two-piece dresses that are in fashion now and perhaps pairing them with a (ghastly) pair of glittery, rhinestone-adorned pumps that they will only wear ONCE?
I must stop them! They must hear of what I know!
It’s my calling and this is my message, my gift to the world. Girls, spend your good money on the SHOES. Moms, you can wear them too, ya know.
Ask the hundreds and hundreds of girls you know who have already done this, the ones whose Prom and Homecoming years are way behind them. What do they have to show for all the money they spent on high heels and dresses way back then? I’ll tell you. They have a closet full of very expensive, tiny dresses that will never, ever be worn again and probably wouldn’t sell at a profit if they ever sell at all. And where are the shoes that went with them? Ahhhhh, they are also sitting in the top of the closet. Lonely, shelved, no place to shine. Looking back, I bet those girls wish they’d opted for the $300.00 shoes and a $250.00 dress instead of the $500.00 dress and the $50.00 shoes. They would still be wearing the shoes right now, away at college, meeting their new husband.
Beautiful shoes are meant to be worn ladies, again and again and again. They deserve to be loved. They want an existence, they deserve a purpose. Give them a long, happy life.
So here is my plea. Spend your money on the shoes. Alter your thinking. Shift your paradigm. Think of it as an investment. Buy yourself a classic pair of patent leather pumps or a sleek pair of strappy booties to go with your Homecoming dress. When people see your Prom pictures, make sure they’re saying “Wow, look at her shoes!” Red ones or black ones, (or black ones with red bottoms, ya hear me?) both are a classic. You can never go wrong with a pair of nudes. Heck yes, choose the hot pink or the bright yellow! Go for the big names because you get what you pay for. You’ll spend several hundred dollars but you will hold in your hands a well-crafted pair of leather Heaven that will bring you a decade or more of happiness instead of a size 0 Sherri Hill gown that will never again see the light of day. See, classic shoes never, ever age, or go out of style, or lose their value. They don’t wear out if you take care of them, they just get better. They go with you on your journey through life, they go with you through everything: college, weddings, funerals, parties. (I heard whispers that a pair of Christian Louboutins walked right across the stage at this year’s graduation and it literally caused a buzz amongst the teachers.) AND they go with everything from a ripped pair of jeans to the most elegant of cocktail dresses. Your classic leather pumps will step up and deliver for you, every single time for so many more years. I PROMISE YOU, if you invest your money on the right pair of shoes, you will find yourself the owner of a treasure that will bring you constant, stable happiness long after this dance or that group photo is over. Through an assembly line of boyfriends and bad dates, those Jimmy Choos will stay true.
The shoe underworld is kinda cool, too. There are droves of websites and apps that send you real-time notifications of wickedly good sales and trust me, there is no shame in buying good shoes on sale. Last season’s shoes are, in fact, my very best friend in the world. I’ll shoot you some links below. In the meantime, think about what I’ve said and then go do a little internet stalking. Look at what the Kardashians are wearing, what Kate Middleton is wearing, what Jesse James Decker is wearing. You won’t see boutique-y gaudiness from small-town mall shops on their feet. You’ll see Stuart Weitzman, Carolina Espinosa, Vince Camuto, Kate Spade, Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin and Valentino. If you need some help picking out something fabulous, for God’s sake call ME!
Don’t forget to paint your toes. Here are the links:
SaksOff5th for fashion-label shoes, but with outlet prices. Can you believe it? I can’t quite get used to it either but it’s true. Designer label shoes mixed in with mall-brand shoes…so weird, right? The sales are fantastic and the selection is vast. You can find everything from a $39.99 pair of Nine West to a $700.00 pair of Saint Laurents. Search the pull-down menu by “style” or “designer.” I’ve done it, it’s for real.
RuLaLa Members Only shopping with real-time sales that offer 50-70% off all designers. Some days you will see great sales on shoes and other days it’s home décor. The ’boutiques’ that are featured change every day, that’s the exciting part. You get emails that say, “Tomorrow at 11:00 am, Louis Vuitton goes ON SALE!” and you panic a little bit that you might forget to do everything else. There’s an app and everything.
Nordstrom My #1 go-to for shoe-shopping. I can spend hours on this site looking at Shoe Porn. The handbags aren’t so bad either if that’s your thing. Right now my Nordstrom cart has $5,000 worth of shoes sitting there, if you know anybody’s who’s rich.
Buy the Shoes.